Tuesday, May 13, 2014


I mean phases. But I really mean doing and trying things!

Health issues have slowed mountain summiting plans, so that is still being trained for, but until my back is less painful and "rumbley" I will train with light packs.

Another phase or change has been Apple Cider Vinegar. I'm drinking it mostly daily and trying other healthy hippie ideas. Refrigerator oats. Arugula! 

And I'm going to buy a house! I'm going to move and be a commuter suburb dweller and start a new kind of adult life phase. No more studio apartment- I'll be a gardener! (I just started the process so it'll be a while, but I'm in it for the long haul. (30 year loans! Crazy!))

(I don't have any photos of the things I talked about- here's kind of where I live seen from the airplane)

Friday, February 21, 2014


Some days I feel awesome. Strong. Alluring. And then I take a picture and wonder if the rolls look like a bug to anyone else...
head, abdomen, thorax, big butt...

All the rolls don't look strong. Well. Maybe they should. It's not an exoskeleton, but it's been an armor for a while, and even though it bruises easily, it has made me stronger than you think!

Monday, January 20, 2014

Is this normal?

Sometimes I am so sure of things. Sure of my feelings or intentions. Sure of what's going to happen. Sure that someone will help me. Or sure that they will let me down.

But when things are upset, when I have no idea what's next, it's scary! Is everyone so sure of things? Or are they usually in this scary unknown? It freaks me out.  It effects things!

This weeks probable things: zits, sleep, decision making, dreams (when I can sleep), concentration, connecting with people (being self-involved), etc.

*cue my pity party

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Is there an "ideal"?

Meanwhile for inspirational quotes my phone screen saver is Bruce Lee "If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you'll never get it done. Make at least one definitive move daily toward your goal."
(I was in my warm bed napping last night and got up and left to go to the gym.  It was hard.)

The hardest part about setting fitness goals is that I like myself and I'm "OK if I don't change" (Except then I'll never make it up Mt Rainier- so that's what I'm working on!)  But even yesterday, "What is your ideal weight/size?"  I was like, uh.... "Is there an "ideal"?  I want to be strong and fit enough to enjoy climbing a mountain."  The guy looked at me blankly, apparently people who work at gyms think you aren't supposed to be ok with yourself.  Or maybe climbing a mountain is supposed to be horrible?

Post stair climber intervals:  sweaty and tired and "I DID IT!!"

I was visiting a new gym, my 24 Hour Fitness membership expires in 3 weeks.  It's been a great gym for my needs, but I'm looking forward to trying new stuff, and scared to not have a 24 hour option available to me or available when I travel...

 It's a little scary- like not having insurance!

Thursday, November 21, 2013

All the contridictions.

I'm trying to talk myself into walking to the gym after work.

I don't want to because it is so cold (and icky) outside for my sweaty walk home.

But I have to go to the gym, so I'll probably drive.

So that in the future I can climb up a very cold mountain.

Maybe tomorrow...

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

What the What

It's been 13 months since I posted here and it's like nothing has changed!

Another day another diet.

I've really enjoyed food the past 3 years and where I'm comfortable eating/ not exercising keeps me around 220.  But I recently decided I REALLY wanted to summit Mount Rainier.

I laid awake in bed thinking about it.  Planning things like:  if I "Biggest Loser" -it for a few months (not the consumer diet plan, just eat healthy and exercise as much as I possibly can), and can lose like 20-30 (more?!) pounds while getting a base of "in-shape".  Then go see a trainer to push me into really good shape.  And buy Groupon boot camps and pole dancing and all the crazy stuff to get a variety of work-out while seeing a trainer... I should be in really good shape by next summer.  Good enough to summit?!  This is what I lay in bed thinking about.

Photos by sister:  http://christypelland.com/

I talked to the guide I want to use.  He's who both sister's have used.  He said, "You have to be in the best shape of your life."

So that's my goal.

I started a diet yesterday.  again.  I haven't worked out yet.  (But that's for health issues reasons: another cyst in the area where my legs meet/swimsuit covers.)  I hate being on a diet.  Yes, it is a diet and not a lifestyle change, because after I'm done with all the big goals, I can't guarantee I'll have changed my food wants.  But maybe...

(Summer 2012)

Monday, September 17, 2012

DIET: take 17

I started a diet again.  A real one.  I just started.  Well, a week ago...

A week ago I was on my way to work and scarfed these fried bread things and and by the time I got to work I was so "..ehhhbleehhhhh..."  I decided right then I was going to start a diet.  Like NOW.

See... I had been putting it off (and off and off) because I have EPIC!! food adventures lined up!!
The Puyallup FAIR- ALL the FAIR food!!
The Herbfarm- Super Fancy NW based themed 9 course meal
Geek Girls Secret Potluck- just some crazy friends hanging out WITH FOOD!

But I was SOOO "..ehhhbleehhhhh..."  I had to start NOW, figuring Fridays can be my "cheat" day.

Cheat Day 1:  (pre shenanigan) Alcohol (the night before the fair), Fair Food (scones, a cookie, ribs, turkey leg, lemonade, chocolate covered bacon), and one 1/2 cup of real ice cream.

Post Cheat Day 1:  Serious withdrawal. 

I would have done anything for ANY. THING. with some SUGAR.

I did eat all the vegetables in my house. (including but not limited to: broccoli, brussels sprouts, lettuce, spinach, tomatoes, green onions, artichoke hearts)

Post Week 1:  I miss food.  I hate doing dishes.  I feel good- like in my bones- good.

A skinnier-person-than-I once said, "If I'm not hungry enough to eat an apple, I'm not hungry."

Sunday, August 26, 2012


Listening to Little Feat thinking of my Aunt and my mom and road trips.

We used to take road trips, it might have been because we were poor, but we had fun and did stuff and I never felt like "We can't because we don't have money..."  But felt like "This is what is available, what do you want to do?"

This has been a "this is what is available, what do you want to do?" kind of summer.

I have a list.
A road trip is on the list.
Exercise hasn't made the list...
Soon, I'll have a few more things checked off and revisit exercise.  (I think about exercise more than I think about writing; I don't know if that means anything.)

Friday, July 13, 2012

I don't think he believes me

So tired.  So busy.  I just need a stay-cation to get everything done and in order and feel in control!

Even with a new "sick" symptom (sore throat) I made it back to the gym for the first time in 4 weeks!  It wasn't epic.  I survived.

A new group training session started and I'm not joining.  I feel like I need a break from anyone else's expectations or demands or input and just do stuff... working with a trainer has a lot of benefits- including hands on teaching/ new exercises, but sometimes I don't want to be present (mentally) for this stuff, just zone out and climb the stair mill (or whatever).

I texted my trainer that I'm taking this session off but will be back.  I don't think he believes me.  So I'll have to show him!  <3

(wtf cold/sick still around?  Maybe not a cold?  Maybe 3 different colds! grrr!)

Sunday, July 8, 2012

I finally feel good! and I feel bad

2 days off in 3 weeks.  6 days off antibiotics.  I finally feel like myself and I feel so fat!

I was walking (dog walk/joging) a lot last week, but never made it to the gym.  I finally felt like I could handle the gym and I don't have time.  (bronchitis made me feel claustrophobic when breathing near people and susceptible to catching anything near by)  I have been eating mostly healthy, some not, and bad portion control.

 ugh.  So we start again.

PS good cheats:
Fries:  If you ever eat at RoRo's BBQ, order garlic fries with their truffle oil.  Trust me.
Mom's Swedish Pancakes:  I can't say no to my mom!!  They are delicious.  and I did kick the soccer ball around with my little cousin afterward!
Bacon:  Brussel sprouts and Kurobuta Bacon side at Metropolitan Grill.  Nothing sounded "healthy" as a side to my filet mignon, this side was so good, brussel sprouts I make at home taste like feet in comparison!

me, Maddie, Johanna, Lisa, and I totally forgot the guy on the end's name...

Thursday, June 21, 2012


Cold was going away... and then felt horrible, coughing up stuff that could be from the movie Aliens.  I started work in the AM, woke up and went to urgent care.  Part of me is glad when they give me antibiotics.  Relief that I am doing all I can, or all western medicine top of the food chain I have thumbs and burn fossil fuel can.

First problem is I now have to eat something every 8 hours.  That blows off my feeding schedule.

Second problem is the threat of yeast infections: yogurt.

New and horrible Third problem:  MY BODY HATES ANTIBIOTICS!!!  This was a new thing with last December's health issues/ antibiotics: my stomach on antibiotics turns everything passing through my stomach into !!  Well!  It's most like Split Pea Soup.  And it goes on:  Antibiotics- 10 days.  Diarrhea- 35 days.

*There is a diet for this issue:  I was on it for 4 weeks and it didn't help.
*There is over the counter medicine:  I took it for 2 days and it made my stomach gurgle but didn't improve.  All OTC for this says to stop after a couple days.
*There are tests to see if this issues is caused by something dangerous:  tests made me cry.  Poop/ digestive system normal & working.

Current situation:  tight ass hole!!
Coughing is scary.
Moist butt wipes are in my purse.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

post cold update!

I'm sure I gained 5 pounds in 2 days of "regular" appetite eating.

Those cute red shorts I bought are gonna make me look like a red velvet cupcake, as my creamy cheese muffin top pops out of them!

Monday, June 11, 2012

cold schmold

...the moment when your cold meds ware off but you are taking nyquil in less than 2 hours and have to suffer until then...  Best thing about having a cold is loss of appetite.  I ate some yogurt and an entire package of fig newtons.  BUT NOTHING ELSE for 5 days.  My cold is ending (!yay!) but I only know that because I ate so much.  You can tell my trainer, it was all fresh fruit and a steak.  My favorite symptom of this cold was in my head, when I would lay down (from standing up/ if I stayed laying down nothing happened); laying down would make my head spin, like I was falling.  I really liked that feeling, like swinging with your eyes closed.

I think I had some epiphanies and then forgot them.  I did manage (because cold meds cause excitability thus the need for nyquil) to stay up most of 2 days and make my SEAF bustier.  I'm having 1st pancake syndrome and want to make another one, perfecting all the things that aren't...

Every warm day I want to cut my hair short.

Monday, May 28, 2012

NOT sitting at work

Months ago my trainer told me to bring in an exercise ball to work and sit on.  I work 12 hours shifts, most of which are seated, and would spend the middle 4-6 on the ball.  Until someone posted this link
Now I sit on the ball as much as possible.  "Hugging" the ball like a frog to stretch out my back inspired this photo session.  (I am here alone for 12 hours...)

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Who's chasing who?

The two kind of workouts available:

Chaser:  In control, chasing the dragon*, not only do I want to be *HERE* doing this more than anything, I'm killing it.  I'm reaching my goals.

Today I had the other kind-

Chase-ee:  I started the stair-mill at lvl 7, and after 2 minutes had to go down to lvl 6...  I started the elliptical at lvl 12 and had to drop to lvl 11...  I'm only here because I don't want to (athletically/ physically) stay where I am, I'm trying to get ahead.  I'm being (mentally) chased by over thinking, food, or my bed, and everything feels so hard.

After the hump of my workout a friend found me and we chatted for a few minutes, totally ruining my "zone" BUT without even knowing it, they turned my head around, and I turned all my levels back up.

It wasn't my best workout, but that happens.
Sports bra created "Hidden Mickey" sweat pattern!

SORE MUSCLE SECRET: BCAA.  I always get sore after metabolic workouts.  I hate it because it is so much harder to get to the gym the next day.  a few weeks ago I was told about BCAA's and ever since (as long as I also stay hydrated) I haven't had any sore muscle issues.  AMAZING!

On My Way Home Bonus:  I stopped at Subway for a blackforest ham sub.  The guy said, "That's boring."
Me, "What's your favorite?"
him, "You."
"I'd rather have you."
me, "Hahaha!  I need to eat something."
"Order anything.  I'll give it to you for blackforest ham price."
"Turkey, no cheese, spinach..."
him "Why spinach?"
me "healthier."
him, "You look good."
"I'm so sweaty."
"Yes you are... I like it."
*awkward pause*
me "...thank-you...tomatoes..."

*I know that "chasing the dragon" is a drug reference, BUT I'm taking it:  Somedays I feel like a fucking warrior- one who would pick up my +5 Dragon slaying sword and chase the dragon down.